Navigating romantic relationships in eating disorder recovery
Eating disorders can complicate any relationship — especially in romantic partnerships. When you’re struggling with an eating disorder or a related mental health issue, the focus often shifts inward, leaving little room for others. For your partner, it may feel like you’re pulling away, keeping secrets or afraid they’ll never truly understand.
“But when you and your partner join forces against your eating disorder, it reinforces your romantic bond and sets the stage for deeper connection,” says Meredith Nisbet-Croes, MS, LMFT, CEDS-C, RYT-200, national clinical response manager at Eating Recovery Center (ERC).
Julia, a former ERC patient, knows this firsthand. From feeling misunderstood to experiencing unwavering support, her story sheds light on how eating disorders affect romantic relationships — and how the recovery process can bring healing and growth.
Challenges eating disorders can create in relationships
Dating with an eating disorder can place various strains on your relationship, from communication and intimacy to family and social life.
“Eating disorders shrink the scope of your life and joy, and romantic relationships are hugely impacted by that,” says Nisbet-Croes.
Here are a few ways these challenges can appear:
- Emotional disconnection: The mental and emotional toll of a disorder can leave little energy for the connection both partners need, especially if your partner is currently seeking treatment.
- Breakdowns in communication: Feelings of fear, shame or uncertainty often make it hard for either partner to speak openly and honestly.
- Strained trust: Secrecy around the disorder can leave a partner feeling unsure of their role or how to help.
- Misunderstandings: Partners might view certain behaviors as rejection or withdrawal without understanding the role the disorder is playing in these behaviors.
- Social anxiety: Going to dinner or attending events, like gatherings with family or friends, can feel overwhelming or stressful.
- Physical intimacy issues: Body image struggles can make closeness feel uncomfortable, triggering or even unsafe.
While these dynamics can be tough, Nisbet-Croes reminds us, “It’s not anyone’s fault, and it is possible to repair the impacts if you’re both willing to collaborate.”
5 relationship tips for people in eating disorder recovery
Facing an eating disorder alongside someone you care about can feel daunting, whether it’s a new connection, a long-term partner or anything in between. Relationships can also provide meaningful support for your healing process . Here are expert tips to help you foster stronger connections while prioritizing your well-being.
1. Be open about your needs
It’s not easy to open up to people about your eating disorder, especially when you’re first getting to know someone and don’t know how they will react. But it’s important to know what you need from a partner. For Julia, she knew she couldn’t date someone who wasn’t able to support her.
“While I was casually dating after my treatment stay, I made a point to tell them I am in recovery and that is my priority. Their reaction became a litmus test for whether or not we’d have a second or third date,” Julia explains.
Sharing the kind of support you need from a partner is important at every stage of a relationship, as your needs and comfort level may shift over time. In Julia’s case, this transparency made a big difference: “Being open about my eating disorder saved me a lot of time and heartache,” she shares.
2. Have honest conversations
Talking openly about the role your eating disorder has played in your relationship and sharing what you want it to look like moving forward can help you connect with your partner and build the relationship you both want to be in.
“When you feel understood, heard, protected and supported by your partner — and they feel the same — you can be on the same team against your eating disorder,” Nisbet-Croes explains.
Opening up about the parts of yourself you struggle with — and seeing your partner love and accept those parts — can bring you closer together.
3. Work through challenges together
Recovery often involves facing fears and difficult situations. For Julia, dining out was a major challenge during early recovery. “I started having anxiety attacks when my partner and I would go out to eat. The first time it happened, I was so embarrassed because I started crying at the table, and people were looking at us,” she recalls.
With the help of her dietitian and therapist, Julia developed coping skills for restaurants, and her partner supported her throughout the process. “He would tell me funny anecdotes to distract me, and sometimes we’d even play the table games I learned at ERC,” Julia shares.
“I no longer have anxiety about restaurants and think a big part of that is having my partner give me the patience and support to work through those feelings,” she adds.
4. Share when you’re having hard days
Some days in recovery are inevitably going to be more difficult than others. If you’re struggling, being honest can help your partner understand what you’re going through.
“When I tell my partner I’m having a bad mental health day, he knows to be extra gentle with me during those times,” Julia shares.
Plus, giving them a chance to provide the extra support you may need can make those hard days feel more manageable.
5. Trust that you are enough
If you’ve been struggling with codependency as part of your eating disorder, you may have questioned your role in your partnership or feel unworthy of love and support. For Julia, surviving her eating disorder changed her perspective. “I now see that I stayed in past relationships too long because I was worried I wouldn’t find someone ‘better,’” she says.
“Going through treatment and identifying my values helped me understand that I am worthy of a loving, supportive relationship,” Julia shares. “I no longer settle for the bare minimum, and I no longer minimize my needs. I learned that I am a whole person on my own, and I feel like I am a better partner now because I’m not looking for someone to save or complete me.”
6 ways to help a partner with an eating disorder
Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming at times, but it also comes with unique opportunities to deepen your connection. Here are six tips to help you build trust, navigate tough moments and strengthen your relationship.
1. Lead with genuine curiosity
Truly wanting to understand your partner’s experience with their eating disorder is the best way to show up and offer support.
“When feeling isolated, nothing is more meaningful than someone taking extra care to understand your inner world,” explains Nisbet-Croes.
2. Plan ahead for tough moments
Talking with your partner about what they might need in advance can make challenges easier to navigate when they arise.
“In a calm moment, ask your partner what might help them when they’re really struggling. Do they want to be offered choices? Reminded of the tools in their toolbox? Would they like to be distracted? Or would they simply like a hug?” suggests Nisbet-Croes.
Preparation can make it easier to respond with care and ensure your support is aligned with what your partner needs most.
3. Take a team approach
Collaborate with your partner to understand what they might need from you during recovery and how you can support them. For Julia, cooking became an opportunity to connect with her partner and reduce the stress it once caused.
“I always found cooking overwhelming and anxiety-inducing with my exes. My current partner is so nonjudgmental and supportive that I feel safe experimenting in the kitchen with him,” Julia shares. “One of our signature dishes we make together is lasagna. We divide and conquer on the prepping, cooking and assembling, and he makes it such fun that sometimes I forget this used to be a stressor for me!”
They even brought their signature lasagna to Thanksgiving this past year. “It was an unexpected joy to share our dish with his family,” she shares.
4. Celebrate their progress
Recovery is hard work, and noticing your partner’s efforts can make a real difference. “On days when I’m struggling, my partner encourages me to keep going and reminds me of how far I’ve come,” Julia shares.
Whether it’s finishing a meal or opening up about their feelings, acknowledging all wins — big or small — shows your partner you’re paying attention and helps them stay motivated to keep moving forward.
5. Remember, sometimes being there is enough
You don’t always need a solution or the right things to say. This can be especially important during treatment, as your partner may need space to process their emotions.
“Simply being there and being involved, seeking to understand your partner’s experience and showing up for them in whatever way you can is incredibly meaningful,” explains Nisbet-Croes.
When your partner is ready, sitting with them on a hard day or listening without judgment can provide comfort and remind them they’re not alone.
6. Take care of yourself, too
Helping someone through recovery can be emotionally demanding, especially if they are also navigating co-occurring conditions. Take time to rest, seek support, and care for your own mental health.
[quote box] “ERC offers free support groups for loved ones, and I highly recommend them for people who want to process with others in a similar situation,” Nisbet-Croes explains.
Remember, by prioritizing your well-being, you can better show up for your partner, too.
Moving forward together
If you or your partner is struggling with an eating disorder, know that it is possible to feel better and thrive in all areas of life, including romantic relationships.
“At this point, my eating disorder doesn’t have much of an impact on my current relationship with my partner. I’ve learned how to manage my triggers without impacting those around me,” Julia explains.
At ERC, we provide personalized care for individuals of all ages and all eating disorders. "And we always include loved ones in the actual therapy itself,” Nisbet-Croes adds. Whether you or your partner prefer to tackle treatment alone or together, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
To learn more, call us at 866-622-5914 or reach out for a free assessment. It just takes one call to get started.
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